Open Up
by emptytimechild
Summary: He needed them to understand what made him the man he was today, he wasn't always the monster that stood before them.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first go at publishing fan fiction so I'm sorry if it isn't great. I know I'm not the best writer so I couldn't really capture the way the characters talk. **

During his time away he had done a lot of thinking about his past and about the people that really mattered. And for the first time since he was a youngster he just wanted be to be honest with the people that he loved, they needed to understand why he became the monster he was now.

His mind was set he was going to tell them everything, all the things he swore he wouldn't tell anyone. But as he got closer to the Hollyoaks village he started to worry; what if they didn't believe him or they think it was his fault? Once he parked his car he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Ste.

_I need to talk to you. B_

_When? What about?_

_Meet me outside Chez Chez at 6pm. I can't tell you over text but don't worry Cheryl will be here._

_Ok c u later_

Right one done he just had to tell Cheryl now and then there was no going back; he had to tell them.

Brendan paced around the street whilst Cheryl watched him with a concerned look on her face. She saw Brendan breath a sign of relief when Ste finally walked around the corner.

"Alright what's this about? Doug ain't happy with me being here."

"I need to tell ye both something that I should've said a long time ago. But not here, I can't tell ye here, I need to be there."

Ste looked across at Cheryl worried about the way Brendan was acting. He was refusing to look in their general direction and was talking extremely quick. He made his way over to his car and they both followed him sliding into the back seats. For most of the journey they just watched him closely noting the way he seemed so stiff, clutching the steering wheel like his life depended on it.

"What's wrong with him?" Ste whispered.

"I don't know, he came home this morning and has been like this since."

"Did you find out where he got off to?"

"No, it's hard to get anything out of him, you know that."

Their conversation ended when the car stopped and Brendan got out still not saying a word to them.

"Bren, what are we doing here?"

He ignored her and carried on walking down the beach a steely expression on his face.

"Where are we?"

"Our Nana's holiday home."

Brendan stopped outside the burned down house a look of disgust on his face. He stood there for a while just looking before a single tear fell down his face.

"I just need you both to understand."


	2. Chapter 2

He sat down facing the sea, Cheryl and Ste either side of him not saying a word to the clearly upset man.

"I've had a lot of time to think lately and I need you both to understand. I've got things to tell you that I've never told anyone before; that I can't say in front of a counsellor. I know I've done some unforgivable things; I've hurt you both so many times and I'll never forgive myself for that. But I want to change, I need to change. I wasn't always the monster I am now."

He felt like his heart may explode out of his chest any minute. His heart beating faster as all the memories came flooding back to him.

"Everything changed for me when I was 8, that's when I started to get punished for things that I hadn't even done. It started with punches and burns with cigarettes."

"From who?" Cheryl asked confused about what her older brother was saying.

"Your dad." Ste said knowing Brendan's dad used to hit him although he didn't think it started when he was that young. Brendan looked down at the sand nodding slightly in response to Ste.

"No he can't have, he wouldn't do that." Cheryl shouted but the look on Brendan's face said otherwise. Silence hung around for a couple of minutes before Cheryl spoke again.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Please Chez let me finish first and then I'll explain."

"That's why I ran away on your birthday he hit me and I just wanted to go home back to my Ma. Later that night when you were in bed Da came into my room with a piece of cake. I thought he was going to hit me but he didn't. He took my hand and lay me down on my bed; he kept saying I was his special boy whilst he touched me. He pinned my hands above my head and climbed on top of me. I tried to shout but he plunged his tongue into my mouth and grinded himself down on me. I was so scared, I was too young to understand exactly what was going on but I knew it was wrong. He only stopped when he heard you shouting from your room. After he had put you back in bed he came back into my room; I was sitting in the corner crying and he stood over me smirking. He told me this is what happened to little boys like me, that it was my fault for being a queer, a fag. I didn't know what those words meant but when I got older and I found out I liked boys instead of girls I couldn't accept that his words were right."

Brendan's voice wobbled as he tried to contain his sobs. Cheryl and Ste instinctively put their arms around him, Cheryl eventually let go when Brendan fell into Ste's embrace. She watched as her big brother sobbed into his ex lover's arms realising the hard exterior was just an act. For the first time she could see the scared little boy that thought he deserved to be punished. It took a long time for his sobs to subside and he removed himself from Ste's arms looking embarrassed. He composed himself before carrying on like nothing had happened.

"He raped me every summer when we came here. I can still hear the sound of the door closing, the smell of his cigarettes, the weight of him on top of me, the feel of him inside of me. The sadistic smirk on his face as I cried out in pain."

He couldn't stop the sick from rising up through his body ruining the sand in front of him. Ste rubbed his back whilst Cheryl gave him her bottled water from her handbag.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"When I was younger I was too scared he said he'd kill me if I told anyone and besides I didn't think anyone would believe me because everyone loved him. I threatened to tell me ma when I was 12 but he said that if he couldn't do it to me then he'd hurt you. I couldn't let him hurt my baby sister; you didn't deserve to be hurt."

"And neither did you Bren."

"Look at me." She looked into his pained eyes and seen the years of torment he had gone through.

"This was not your fault and you certainly didn't deserve this. He's a monster."

"And so am I." He said looking away from Cheryl not liking the pity he could see in her eyes.

"You are nothing like him Brendan."

"You are nothing like him." She reaffirmed when Brendan shook his head.


	3. Chapter 3

"That's why I didn't want to come back here with Nana, it holds too many memories that I'd rather forget."

"I understand now but Nana didn't."

"She did." He said in a mumbled voice.

"What?"

"Before the explosion she told me she knew what he was doing to me. She had known all along and she never tried to stop him. She made it is easier for him to do it to me by keeping out of the way."

It was all too much for Cheryl, her Da that she had always adored was the worst type of monster, her Nana who had become like a second mum was just as bad. And her big brother who she worshiped had a completely different side to him that she had never seen before. He didn't tell anyone what their Da was doing to him in case he hurt her. He wanted to be her superman growing up and now she understood why he had always been so protective. He still was her superman even if he thought he was more like the villains.

Brendan got up and walked towards the sea letting the water washing lightly over his shoes. The truth was out there now, he couldn't take it back, and that was scaring him more than he'd ever admit. He could remember standing in this position when he was younger hoping the waves would take him away to a place were he would be safe. Tears fell down his face thinking of that little boy who had spent his childhood dreading summer holidays because it would bring him back to the man that ruined his life. He cried for the young man who was so scared of falling in love that he hurt anyone that got too close. He had lost most of his life because of that man and it had to end now.

"Bren can we go home now, its freezing?" Cheryl asked as her and Ste approached him.

Brendan took off his jacket and placed it around his sister's shoulders; she smiled and wiped away the tears that were still falling down his face.

"You two head back to the car the keys are in the jacket pocket; I just need a minute."

He watched as they walked away; his little sister had seen him do some terrible things but she still loved him and he didn't really understand why. And then there was his Steven, the love of his life who he had now lost because of his temper and that would always be his biggest regret. He wanted Ste to be happy but every time he saw him with Doug his heart broke a little bit more. He took one last look at the burned down building before following them to the car. Cheryl and Ste were already sitting in the front seats so he took a seat at the back, it felt strange to be a passenger in his own car but he knew he wasn't in the right state to drive.

Ste watched him through the rear view mirror; his eyes were glazed as he stared out the window. He could see the constant change in emotions written across the older man's face from fear to embarrassment but never staying on the same emotion for long.

The drive home seemed ten times longer than the journey there; the car was filled with tension. Brendan was too engrossed in his own thoughts to notice how worried Cheryl and Ste were about his current state, neither of them knowing what to say to him.

Once they got back to the village Ste said goodbye to Cheryl telling her to ring if they needed anything no matter what time it was. He then headed home were Doug was waiting pacing around the living room.

"Where have you been? What took so long?"

"I've been with Cheryl and Brendan I told you before."

"Why do you always run to him every time he asks?" Doug said raising his voice.

"I don't."

"You do it's pathetic."

"You know what Doug, leave it yeah. I'm going to bed; I don't need this right now."

He slammed the bedroom door behind him and sank to the floor hugging his knees to his chest crying for his first love.


	4. Chapter 4

**Not much going on in this chapter just a bit of a filler as I haven't had much time to write. **

* * *

Cheryl guided Brendan up the stairs towards their home; it freaked her out seeing her brother so weak and dependant on her. He was in his own world not even noticing when Cheryl sat him on the couch and removed his shoes. She went into the kitchen and filled a glass of water for him and picking up some sleeping tablets knowing he would be restless otherwise.

"Brendan." She said softly kneeling in front of him. He jolted slightly like he had just only realised she was present.

"I think you should go to bed."

"It's only early; I should go to the club."

"No you're not going anywhere tonight you look like you haven't slept in days."

He got up off the couch and walked towards his bedroom with his sister following right behind him. She put the glass on his bedside table and turned back towards him. She held out her hand to him revealing the tablets.

"Take these they'll help you sleep."

He picked up the glass and washed the tablets down straight away knowing that for the first time since the explosion he might get a goods night sleep.

"Goodnight Chez."

She smiled at him before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. She sat on the couch unsure what to do with herself. She wanted to be strong for Brendan but it was all too much; tears started to fall down her face as she processed what her big brother had told her. She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there before there was a light knock on the door. She wasn't surprised to see Ste standing there his face mirroring her own. She stood back and let him in without saying a word. They both sat on couch leaning on each other for support.

"What do we do now?" Ste asked quietly.

"I don't know. All we can do is be here for him, he's trying to change but he'll need help."

Ste didn't know why he ended up here but as soon as Doug had fell asleep he wrote him a note and left. He wanted to talk about it with Cheryl but mostly he needed to be close to Brendan. There was something about the Brady house that made him feel safe like he belonged.

"I'm gonna go and check on him." Cheryl said getting up from the couch.

"Can I come?"

She nodded and they both walked towards Brendan's room being as quiet as possible when opening the door. He was lying on his side hugging a pillow to his chest.

"He looks very calm."

"I gave him some tablets to help him sleep. He won't be waking up anytime some."

Cheryl picked up the empty glass and Brendan's clothes that he'd left scattered across the room leaving Ste alone with Brendan. He sat on the edge of the bed looking down at his ex wanting to lay down next to him. He stroked his face lightly as tears began to fall once again. He didn't notice Cheryl standing in the doorway watching a knowing smile on her face.

"Does Doug know you're here love?"

"I left a note in case he wakes up. What time is it?"

"Nearly 1am."

"Oh I should be going then. Promise me you'll ring if anything happens. And I mean anything."

"I will but he'll be asleep for a long time."

"See ya tomorrow."

"I'll show you out."

They said their goodbyes before Cheryl headed up to bed hoping she would be able to get a little bit of sleep.


End file.
